VULNERABILITY

At Lioness Lion we want to offer you an ample array of views, experts’ opinions and various analysis on contemporary and sensitive subjects that affect and shape our lives. Let the loving begin!

The cat is out of the bag

The bag of hiding emotions, that is. As it´s increasingly obvious the huge and positive change in our society for the openness in which we are ready to discuss our fears, sorrows, handicaps and anything that we had considered weak or weird up until now.

Not a day goes by where we don´t find a familiar face wearing no makeup on Instagram, or famous moms showing their stretch marks as they hold their newborns and even a drop-dead-gorgeous fashion model proudly strutting a serious skin condition on a runway – thank you Winnie Harlow!! So here we are today, relaxed about changing our pronouns to mark our place in the world, having stay-home dads that offer a brand-new male role model to the next generations and uploading selfies in our darkest moments in order to share our pain with others and help them with their burdens…vulnerability is our new super power!

The dictionary says:

Vulnerability, noun

openness to attack or hurt, either physically or in other ways; susceptibility. We need to develop bold policies that will reduce the vulnerability of farmers to drought and floods.

willingness to show emotion or to allow one’s weakness to be seen or known; willingness to risk being hurt or attacked:The foundation for open communication consists of honesty, trust, and vulnerability.

We get to live in these amazing times of change and self-discovery. We are able to see celebrities, stars, politicians and influencers at their not-so glamorous moments and it is becoming more and more common to find people expressing who and what they are, their feeling, their gender choice and most genuine selves, away from the limelight.

What is your experience when you think about vulnerability?

Many of us might associate vulnerability with feelings of fear, being out-of-place or shame. We may have been taught not to cry or allow ourselves to appear vulnerable, that goes double for men in our society,  because we have associate it with the possibility of rejection or failure, which can be scary. As a consequence, we may try to avoid being open about ourselves as much as we can. While being vulnerable is often thought as something to hide, it is actually a deeply important part of the human experience.

Vulnerability is a part of emotional life. Instead of trying to fight it, we can embrace it knowing that it will make our lives more full, happy, creative and authentic.

Think about it. Saying I love you to someone is amazing and it requires to have the guard down. Trying something new, sharing a difficult experience, anxiety, bulling or handicap you’ve had with someone is also vulnerable and scary. While we initially may want to avoid all of these things, they can actually be extremely rewarding to go through with. Ultimately, welcoming vulnerability will make us free and will allow us to live a genuinely fulfilling life.

”If you’re anything like me,
There’s a justice system in your head
For names you’ll never speak again,
And you make your ruthless rulings.
Each new enemy turns to steel
They become the bars that confine you,
In your own little golden prison cell…
But Darling, there is where you meet yourself.”

Taylor Swift.

Now, THE list!

In order to really have the practical, emotional map to navigate these waters, we continue our habit of sharing lists and priceless information from world-known experts on any subject that helps us be in a state of love.

This time is no exception, so here are 5 life-altering lessons from amazing author Brené Brown’s TED talk The Power of Vulnerability:

1. Don’t bottle up your emotions, become self-aware

Most of us were taught to hide our emotions or run away from them. However, this causes nothing but continuous pain and stress. The consequences are far-reaching and the longer we keep those emotions bottled up, the worse the situation gets.

Instead, Brown says we need to become more self-aware and explore our emotions, asking questions to get in touch with how we’re feeling and thinking in a given moment.

Find a method for coxing these feelings out which works best for you such as writing, meditation, or talking to a friend.

2. Vulnerability takes courage

Most modern cultures err on the side of suppressed feelings in an effort to display strength. However, as Brown demonstrates in her pivotal research, vulnerability is anything but weakness. In fact, it takes true strength and courage to allow yourself to be vulnerable.

The cool part about it, though, is the gifts we unlock by being willing to be vulnerable far outweigh the difficulty in doing so. By having the courage to be vulnerable and open up to ourselves and the world around us we come directly in touch with our most authentic self. And, in doing so, can live a much more fulfilling and happier life.

3. Show up, face fear, and move forward

In everything that we do, fear and criticism will always be there to greet us. Fear is the great restrictive force, as it stops most people from ever stepping more than one foot outside their comfort zone towards realizing their true desires.

Because fear and criticism will always be there in some form, the best course of action is always to show up anyway and move forward. No matter what you’re doing, show up every day to do what you were meant to do and don’t let these hindrances stop you.

The more you stand up to these negative forces, the more you’ll flex your courage and resilience and come out stronger for it.

4. Seek excellence, not perfection

Brown says perfectionism is, “the belief that if we live perfectly, look perfectly and act perfectly, we can avoid the pain of blame, judgment and shame.”

Perfectionism isn’t about growth, improvement, or personal achievement, it’s about fear and avoidance. Therefore, what you should really be focused on is realizing excellence, the best version of yourself despite your flaws. This perspective is healthy and inclusive and leads to real personal growth as opposed to a flawed perfectionism.

5. Dare to be yourself

The final and perhaps most important lesson of all is that you must dare to be yourself– at whatever the cost.

The forces of fear, insecurity, and doubt will never go away no matter how hard you try to avoid, hide from, or attempt to bury them. Instead, face them with courage and confidence in your authentic self and know that you’ve been given the gifts necessary to overcome whatever is in front of you.

Dare to be yourself in all your glory– your strengths, skills, and beauty as well as your flaws and insecurities. In doing so, you can realize true strength of spirit.

Love is out there, all around us! If you want it now may be a good time to subscribe to our Lioness Lion page! www.lionesslionlove.com

ANALOG LOVE TALK IN THE DIGITAL ERA

Is communication pixeled and pillow talk glitched?

At Lioness Lion we want to offer you an array of views, experts’ opinions, and various analyses on a very difficult subject that is embedded in our lives forever.

We have always been connected… haven’t we?

As we look at others from our screens, scroll through couple’s love goals, I cannot help but think about all those years and years of reading, courses, webinars, podcasts and just all-around constant information on the existence of the universal energy that connects us all, to each other and to everything in the planet that has any kind of life or magnetism -in case you were wandering were rocks come in the equation.

The World Wide Web was created as the very representation of such strong invisible thread, reaching people without borders and in real-time, which is the way energy works, so it might be safe to say that present technology found a way to imitate the power of human connection and has given us a tool faster than any other previous form of communication; the questions remains, are we more united or in fact feeling more disconnected and distant from each other than ever before in history?

The very nature of this site and part of what we do at Lioness Lion is possible because of digital tools; ultimately, we get to find out who wants the same things you do and make you part of our community because of data-driven systems and virtual communication accessibility that allow for us to know you and detect who will be more likely to build a long-lasting relationship of compatibility and love.

Now it gets interesting… we are increasingly aware, as a consequence of COVID, that we need human contact, we long for the closeness of our friends; the generous neighbor that bakes delicious treats to share over coffee; casual sex; meaningful lovemaking; choosing a nice outfit to go out for drinks and mingle in public places; the dear childhood friend that moved to our town…our mother’s embrace, for heaven’s sake.

Yet digital communications, video calls, texts, and social media, like it or not, have been the very thread of emotional relationships with everybody, without their body.

How has your own love language changed in the digital age?

The answers to these questions, of course, are subjective. But the fundamental issue remains the same — we all must make a conscious effort to discover how our partners interpret and experience love, so that we may empathize and communicate more effectively. And we must realize that technology, as it is, can act as both an asset and a deterrent when it comes to expressing and experiencing love”.

According to by Emily A Vogels and Monica Anderson of the Pew Research Center: “For many adults, social media plays a role in the way they navigate and share information about their romantic relationships. Roughly eight-in-ten social media users (81%) report that they at least sometimes see others posting about their relationships, including 46% who say this happens often, but few say that seeing these posts affects how they feel about their own love life.

Moreover, social media has become a place where some users discuss relationships and investigate old ones. Roughly half of social media users (53%) say they have used these platforms to check up on someone they used to date or be in a relationship with, while 28% say they have used social media to share or discuss things about their relationship or dating life. For adult users under the age of 30, those shares who have used social media to checked-up on a former partner (70%) or posted about their own love life (48%) are even higher.

But social media can also be a source of annoyance and conflict for some couples. Among those whose partner uses social media, 23% say they have felt jealous or unsure of their relationship because of the way their current partner interacts with others on these sites, and this share rises to 34% among those ages 18 to 29.”

There is a common need for younger people to display their joyful liaisons in public, portraying themselves as attractive and as close to perfection as possible, but mature, sensible love does not live publicly and most of the time has no need for approval from a bunch of strangers in order to dictate its quality.

Digital social apps are not designed for introspection, depth, or soul-searching. Posts require to be relatively interesting, trendy, eye-catching, and short, as opposed to the long conversations about life, the many hours we actually spend in our beloved´s physical company.

Ambiguity has no space in the apps. Social media isn’t the place to hash through a host of conflicting emotions, as negative or unpleasant issues tend to lose followers.

If you are in love and have (want) a committed bond, can you settle for a screen as a way to develop your relationship? Love is largely a private matter and demands intimacy. Only in intimacy does the inherent complexity of love emerges. Only in intimacy do you and your partner fully see and know each other, with all your shortcomings or contradictions. The honesty that presence brings cannot be paralleled with any type of conversation we may have in the distance. We miss the bodily expressions, the sense of comfort, and the trust that can only be generated with real physical contact.

The tools to the heart

Technology has nothing to do with feelings, touch, or sex. It is the means, not the objective, yet there is a practicality to it that we can use to our advantage if we fully understand the reality is NOT in a device: intimacy and commitment cannot be replaced by digital means, what we see is often staged to increase followers and the very nature of humans is analog, not digital.

We must also be aware of our surroundings, especially the people who are actually right there, next to us.

Eric Klinenberg, the co-author of Modern Romance, argues that our smartphones constantly tell us there’s someone or something more important than the person we’re with: “And this matters because romance and love don’t come from superficial connections. At the end of the day, romance is impossible without sustained face-to-face contact.” People glance through online dating profiles in seconds. If a profile doesn’t inspire immediate interest, there’s another one a swipe away. If you meet up with someone, and things don’t quite jell, there’s no reason to meet again.

A true expert on people

In all our blog posts we want to share with you as much relevant information and points of view as possible so that you can always make your own decisions, so here is an excerpt from Tim Robbins’ blog:

“Technology has changed the way we experience love, intimacy, and connection. How often do we text instead of talk, Skype instead of meeting face-to-face, or use emoticons instead of actually articulating our feelings? And what impact does it have on our relationships?

According to seasoned relationship counselor Gary Chapman, there are 5 basic love languages — words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Individuals tend to naturally give and express love in the way they prefer to receive love. But what they really should be doing is using the love languages that their partners can receive. And this can be an even more challenging task, given the prominent role technology plays in modern-day romance. Do thoughtful texts qualify as “words of affirmation?” Does face-timing with your partner count for “quality time?”.

We encourage you to understand and take full advantage of any virtual source available to you as a means of advancement, learning, connecting with compatible minds & souls, making a difference in your life and others, being part of communities that represent you, and having a very good time while doing it.

Love is out there, all around us! If you want it now may be a good time to subscribe to our Lioness Lion page! www.lionesslionlove.com

BE ALL ABOUT LOVE!

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